Cost dad the election
Had garage sale while house sitting for neighbors
Peed in the back of a cop car
Got lap dance from Ray Moody's mom and didn't pay her
Made fun of people with accents
Snatched a kids Halloween's candy when he came to my trailer to trick-or-treat
I've been wasteful
Told Joy Bruce Willis was a ghost
Fixed a high school football game
Wasted electricity
Did donuts on football field during third quarter

Beat up Joy's nitpicking internet friend
Spray painted the bridge
Faked death to break up with a girl
Told Joy that Don Dade messed his pants on the golf course because she thought he was cute
Stole a car from a one-legged girl
Replaced Sheridan Lang's birth control pills with Tic-Tacs
Told Dodge we would have a father-son day at Mystery Fun Land and didn't take him
Harmed and possibly killed innocent people by second-hand smoke
Let Donny Jones serve jail Time for a crime I committed
Sucked gas out of a hose
Let mice out during a school play
I've been a litterbug
Stole beer from a golfer
Pantsed a Party Clown
Broke Jay's fancy figurine
Burned down a barn at camp
Stole a wallet froma guy in a gas station bathroom
Broke into a house, had a party and didn't clean up
Pretended to be handicapped to go to the front of lines at Adventure World
Ruined Joy's wedding
Helped myself to Crab Shack's tip jar
Slept with Crab man's fiancee
Neglected Randy
Sold Joy's hair
Stole cooler with donated kidney in it
Slept with prom date's sister on prom night

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